It's been a long time since I have updated my blog. I was reading through my old blog post and realised how much I have grown ever since.
From my previous post, I was worried about jobs and visa. Everything was a variable in my life. Now, things are a little more stable. I have a sort of stable job, which can bring me to many different places of the world. I am a treasury implementation consultant. My company, CCK Financial Solution is a company that sells a treasury system named Guava. My job comes in after the client purchased the system. I need to setup/configure the system to the client's requirements. Things can get pretty challenging at times when clients are difficult. But I am enjoying the challenge as I am learning new things everyday. My job satisfaction is amazing when the whole issue/crisis raised by client are resolved.
My first project was in the Philippines. We are implementing for the central bank of Philippines. I was working day and night, 7 days a week due to the critical stage of the project. At the start of the assignment, I was pretty resistant to work so much, thinking what is this crazy culture, I shouldn't be working like this. After awhile, when I got myself more involved in the project, I realised I wasn't complaining anymore. I was actually willing to put in more time and effort to resolve the issues. The assignment was 1.5 months. I would say I really hated that place but I am missing the satisfaction that I get from my trip.
About my visa status, I was granted a Temporary Residency in April 2013. I can stay and work in Australia until October 2014. Thereafter I will have to apply for my Permanent Residency. That will be my next challenge in my life.
So enough of the updates, I want to talk about how I realised things today. I went out with Widy to the bridal expo today. We were going from booth to booth to check out all the wedding stuff. I felt mentally exhausted looking at how much effort we need to put in to make a nice wedding happen. From venue to cakes, decorations, celebrant, make up, photos and djs. There are so much hassles to be married. I can't imagine myself doing all these stuff. I told Widy I am really impressed by how she is capable of doing all these while Chris is away on site. I would get so pissed if my fiancé is not putting in as much effort for our wedding. But her answer was amazing. I understand why Chris is marrying this amazing girl. She said he is busy working, my job is to look for the things I want and give the information to him for approval. How can a person be so giving and understanding? I guess this made me realised that I am not ready for a committed relationship or I have yet to find that person that I am willing to give in this much. Or maybe, just maybe I have become a very realistic person who always want to get something in return after I give in.
I became a person who stop believing guys can be nice and trustworthy. I became a person who want them to prove to me that they are in this more than I do before I start trusting them. I became a person who is so afraid to get my heartbroken again. And, I do not like what I have become. I want to believe in love again but I don't know how to do it anymore. As I grow older, I stop believing in all these fairy tale story anymore.
I hope, truly hope and wish someday the one for me will come along and make me believe love can still be in my life.
xoxo :)
